I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
