The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
