PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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