You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize