I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
