I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Drunk is not a location!
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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