I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
