"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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