Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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