i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
