I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
