i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
