Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
