But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
