I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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