just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
