I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
