So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
