video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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