If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
