i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
