Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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