you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
