Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
