I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
