I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
