the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
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