Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize