forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
