i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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