our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
They took my balls.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
