a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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