So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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