he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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