I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
