im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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