I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
