Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
