When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
