Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
you never un-have a 4some
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
