I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
