I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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