Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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