i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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