erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
