I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
are you still at the devil's house?
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
