To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
