He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
