Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You have to summon your inner elephant
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
