Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hell yes lets make some ravioli
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
