I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
