If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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