Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
