Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
two words: eviction party
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
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