Can i not drive my cunt home
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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