I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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