uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
