He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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