I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
