Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize