I smell stomach acid.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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