you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
