I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
