You're my little dorito
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
