It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
