hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
