He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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