I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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