That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
