Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
