i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
