drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
