my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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