I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
