Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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