I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
