did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
