By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize