i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
