We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
