1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
ttyl tear gas
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
