Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
