Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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