Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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