11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize