Moan for me like Helen Keller
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
