First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Randomize
