So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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