3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
