At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
