i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
