Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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