I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
