i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
