what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
