he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize