i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
