are you still at the devil's house?
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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