we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
