i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
