im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
